I was all proud of myself for having this master plan in mind as far as parenthood goes. We didn't buy a bassinet because I didn't want to start the habit of Zayne sleeping in our room, but once he arrived, I couldn't let him sleep in his crib. I wanted him right next to me. So he slept in his pack and play for the first two and a half weeks. I didn't want to move him into his crib at that time either, but I knew that we all would sleep better once he was in his own room. Since the move, Zayne has started sleeping more during the night, only waking up 2-3 times a night, on a fairly regular schedule. I laugh because I have never been a good sleeper, and was dreading the late night feedings, thinking that I would be up all night long, but surprisingly, I'm sleeping better now than I ever have. It takes 30-45 minutes to feed Zayne, and then we are both able to go right back to sleep. I still feel sleep deprived, but I usually get a nap during the day if Zayne lets me. My quality of sleep is better, even if the quantity isn't much.
I had also planned on breastfeeding, because of the health benefits for Zayne (and the cost of formula is outrageous!). That plan changed too, as Zayne wasn't gaining weight like he should, leading to doc's conclusion that I don't produce enough milk. Doc suggested that I continue to breastfeed, but also supplement with formula. Even though I know that it's common to supplement and Zayne is still getting the benefits of breast milk, I feel like I've failed him in that department. I know there's nothing I can do about it, and I have to do what's best for Zayne, but it's still frustrating. It took a lot of work to learn to breastfeed, and it hurt like no pain I've felt before. (I wish someone would have warned me about that!) So to now be told that he needs formula was pretty hard to take. But I'm happy to say that little man is gaining weight and growing like a weed now!
I have a new found respect for all the single mothers out there. I'm blessed to have an awesome partner in this adventure, so I'm fortunate to get a shower and a meal or two daily. I don't know how single moms do it. That's a whole kind of sacrifice, right there! Brian is pretty good about helping out, and he wants to be involved with every aspect of Zayne's schedule, unless there's dirty diapers involved. He claims that poopy diapers make him puke, but I think he's just pawning it off on me. I'm curious to see what he's going to do when I'm not home and he has no choice but to do it himself.
Speaking of not being home, I only have two weeks of maternity leave left, and I don't want to go back to work. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, but this kid has consumed my world and I don't want to spend a minute away from him. I keep thinking that I need to start playing the lottery so maybe I can change careers to be a stay at home mommy. I wish it were that easy! Staying home has made me lazy though. I spend my days snuggling and playing with Zayne, and when he's sleeping, I just stare at him. He's so precious, and I can't take my eyes away from him. It still amazes me to think that we created this awesome little person. I don't know how many times I have counted his fingers and toes, smoothed his wild hair, or stared into his big blue eyes. He was definitely worth the wait, and I hope he knows just how much I love him.
No comments:
Post a Comment