Mommy musings

I have decided that every blog from here on out will start with some type of phrase similar to this: It sure has been a while since my last post; things are just so hectic around here anymore.  It’s true.  And I’m sure that life is going to be that way for the rest of my life.  I’m ok with that, although I do wish that everything would slow down.  Zayne is growing like a weed.  Not only is he getting bigger physically, but he has a big personality as well.  I never imagined that having a child would be so much fun.  Sure, he has his moments, but for the most part, he is the happiest baby I’ve ever met.  He loves to play, and he does it well.  He’s just like his dad in the fact that he gets bored easily, and quickly moves from toy to toy, activity to activity, until he has played with everything he owns,  Multiple times.  He will dig to the bottom of his toy basket just to find one small toy, but to see the success on his face after he finds what he’s been looking for… you can’t help but smile.  He has mastered crawling, and can be from one end of the house to the other before you even know he’s gone.  He thinks that being chased is a game, and he is always darting into a room to try to hide from us.  He is also getting better on his feet.  Although he can’t do it by himself, he can nearly run when he uses his walker.  The kid never sits still!  He is on the go all the time.  ALL OF THE TIME!  He loves his puppies, and they are so good with him.  For as high strung as Camo is, he will lay on the floor and let Zayne crawl over him or pull his ears or chew on his paws, and not make a sound.  That’s usually short lived tho, because Camo will then get excited and start chasing his tail and bump into Zayne and knock him over.  I guess boys will be boys.

So I just looked back and realized that I haven’t posted since February!  Yikes!  So much has happened since then!  Zayne cut me off from breastfeeding when he was 6 months old.  I guess he just decided that he wasn’t interested anymore.  I’m sure it was probably harder on me than it was on him, and of course, once I committed to stopping, he decided that he wanted to nurse again.  Too late, kiddo.  I started making all of Zayne’s baby food, which has gone really well thus far.  He eats whatever we put in his mouth.  He loves his fruits, as well as sweet potatoes and carrots.  He’s started finger foods recently, and is getting better at it every day.  He usually ends up with more of it in the seat of his highchair than he actually gets into his mouth, but his precision is improving.  He has also figured out that he can throw his food on the floor and the dogs will come running.  He thinks it’s hilarious, and of course, the dogs love it too.  You’d be surprised by all the funny looks people give me when I tell them that I make all of his food.  They can’t believe that I have the time to prepare everything that he eats.  “It’s so much easier to just buy the canned foods,” they say.  Sure, it would save a lot of time to buy prepackaged foods for him.  But if you think about it, baby food is just pureed adult food, in a jar.  It’s not hard to puree food.  I just choose to make it in bulk and freeze it.  The crock pot is my best friend, and has definitely come in handy.  Plus, I can regulate what all goes into his food.  I do use a few spices, but no salt, no sugar, nothing harmful.  No processed food.  I think it makes it easier on Zayne too, because he sees us eating the same thing he eats.  He’s not picky!  In fact, he’s probably easier to feed than Brian is! ;)

As if life wasn’t chaotic enough, we have decided that we are ready to have another baby.  I had a phone consult with my doctor in Salt Lake, and things are much simpler this time around.  The bad part is that I have to go to Fort Worth for my monitoring, as the lab here in town doesn’t have a fast enough turn around time to keep up with my meds.  So far, we have made three trips, and have one final trip next week.  Everything is right on schedule so far!  As long as this last ultrasound goes well, we will be headed west to bring home two little frozen babies at the end of next week.  I am so ready for that day to come, primarily because I want to give Zayne a sibling.  Selfishly, I’m ready to just be done with these meds that I’m on.  Oh they make me feel awful.  I bet I’ve had maybe two non-nauseous days since starting them.  I just keep telling myself that it’s worth it.  I just pray that this next pregnancy will be as smooth as my first one was.  Especially since now I have someone depending on me.  I have to be on my game, whether I feel like crap or not.

I also hear a lot of “Don’t you think it’s too soon to have another baby?  Why don’t you just enjoy the one you have?”  In a perfect world, we wouldn’t have to rush.  But in our world, the longer our babies are frozen, the more their quality diminishes.  And I’m not getting any younger.  I just know that I want Zayne to have a brother or sister (or both).  I want him to always have someone to play with; someone to share with, to fight with, to love.  While I enjoyed being a spoiled only child, I feel like I missed out on those things, and I often wonder how I would be different if I had grown up with a sibling.  On the flip side, if it doesn’t work out, and Zayne is our only child, I’m ok with that.  It’s hard for me to imagine having enough love for another person.  I know that sounds selfish, but I love that little boy so much, that I often wonder if I have enough love for another baby.  Once our kids are old enough, they will be told the stories of how they came about.  I’ve already started a scrapbook about our frozen babies.  Our kids will have unique stories to tell, and they will know just how much they were loved, before they were even conceived.  Everything I do is for them, and I want them to know that.

Well, it’s getting late, and I had best try to get some sleep.  My stress and anxiety has been quite high thru this whole process, and I’m having trouble resting.  I’m just so excited with the paths that our lives are taking us.  Although I intend to blog thru my next pregnancy, I’m sure reality will set in, and I won’t get anything written for another few months.  Cross your fingers that my next post will be a pregnancy announcement!