One month to go!!! Eek!!! I can't believe that in one month (plus 1 hour, 21 minutes) I will be on my way back across the country to make our miracle!!!
Despite all my excitement, my mind keeps thinking about the those who lost their lives in the CT school shooting. Do I really want to bring a child (or children) into a world full of hate and violence? I hear people talking about home schooling their children, which I think I could handle, but would that really solve the problem? Because not all violence occurs at schools, you would have to completely shelter your children from the entire world, and then you still run the risk of having something happen at home. Then there's all this talk of gun control. That's not gonna help anyone either. Since when do criminals abide by the law, anyway? I guess what it all boils down to is that tomorrow is never guaranteed, and you must cherish every minute given to you like it could be your last. Tell your family you love them. Tell your friends you miss them. Give your pets extra treats. Never take anything for granted...
So, back to this baby business... I'm very excited that Brian has finally found a job! While this is definitely a good thing, it means that I will have to make the trip to Salt Lake by myself. I'll be there about 10 days before he arrives. That fact is a bit scary in itself. What's even scarier is the fact that I will be responsible for all of the knowledge and administration of my medications. Mixing, timing, and injecting. All this on the shoulders of the girl who hates needles. This on the shoulders of the girl who's anxiety will be thru the roof before I even get on the plane! It's selfish, I know. But still.
Last night, I was working on the scrapbook I'm making of this adventure, and I came across the handouts the nurses gave us on our consult. I had completely forgotten about them! (my bad). They were full of information on the procedure. I should have paid close attention to the section on the medications, but instead I learned that for the entire 2+ weeks, I will be on activity restriction. I can walk and do yoga (yah, like I do yoga...), but essentially, that's it. Nothing strenuous. No exercise. I'm not the most dedicated exerciser, but I had planned to find a local gym to visit, since I'll have nothing else to do. But I guess not! I'm gonna be a hermit in my hotel room! I will be bored out of my mind! But it will all be worth it in the end, right?
Well, this is more of a a whiny blog than I intended, so I guess I better shut er down for now before things get too deep. (dang hormones!) We would appreciate everyone's continued prayers as our big moment approaches. Merry Christmas, and God bless!
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Babymaking vs. Brutus
3 days, 4 flights, 1 snowstorm, zero sleep... Yep that was our weekend! We finally made the trip to Salt Lake City, UT for our IVF consult, only to be greeted by the first winter storm of the season. We got to SLC in the dark, and I was looking forward to doing some sightseeing the next day, but winter storm Brutus reared his ugly head and put the kabosh on our plans. We woke Friday morning to the feeling of being inside a snow globe. It had been a while since we'd seen snow! (And I didn't miss it, in the least bit!) So needless to say, our sightseeing was limited to driving thru the mountainside homes behind our doctor's office. And those were some BIIIGGGGG homes! With some scary steep driveways! I guess that's what you get when you live on the side of a mountain!
On to our doctors appointment, since I know that's what y'all came here to find out about... Let me start by saying that our doctor and his team are UH-mazing! Dr. Blauer spent the good part of an hour talking with us, reviewing our histories, talking Husker football, and discussing his plan for us. Then we got to spend some time with his nurse, Tami, who was the craziest, most awesome nurse that we could ask for. Not only did she explain the whole process (several times), but she did so with the most comforting, calming, attitude, which is what I really needed, since I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Thankfully, we were able to complete all of our testing, which saved us from making an extra trip back to the SLC. For Brian, this meant doing that thing that guys do... you know. That thing. He also got to pee in a cup and have blood drawn. For me, I also got to pee in a cup and have blood drawn (5 frickin vials!!!). I also had to have a saline sonogram to check the inside of my uterus for scar tissue from my surgery 9 years ago. This test consisted of injecting saline into my uterus to expand it, so the doc could check for scarring. No scarring noted, but doc did find a fibroid at the opening. He doesn't think it should be a problem, but said that if it grew any more, I'd have to have a laser biopsy to have it removed. So basically, it's just something to keep an eye on. All in all, everything looked good, but holy crap, was it painful! I'll spare you the gory details, but lets just say that the rest of the day was not very pleasant for me. :/
So here's the plan. For the next 2 weeks, I take 10 mg of Provera, which is to initiate a period and thin my uterine lining. Then I have 2 weeks off, and then another cycle of Provera. After another 2 weeks off, I start Prometruim, which kind of does the same thing as the Provera, but directs the progesterone right into the uterine lining, and creates a sticky lining for the embryo to adhere to when it's transferred. On January 24, we head back to Salt Lake to begin the actual IVF process. On that day, I will have another blood draw and ultrasound, and learn how to mix my medicine and do the injections. I will take my first FSH injection that day, as well as a low dose HCG injection. I inject daily, and go to the dr's office every other day for blood draws and ultrasounds. I start my daily dr visits on Feb 1. On Feb 4 (+/- 2 days) I will have my egg retrieval, and Brian gets to do his thing. My eggs and his sperm will be joined in the lab, and they will be monitored for roughly 3 days, with the embryo transfer happening around Feb 7. Then the dreaded 2 week wait. I will take a pregnancy test on Feb 21 and Feb 28. If positive, my expected due date will be October 28, 2013.
I'm very pleased that we will only have to make one more trip to SLC. I expected to have a few trips, but because of the timing (and luck) of this first appointment, we are able to start cycling right away. My only concern is having to be in a hotel for 2 weeks. Thankfully, I should be able to get all my patients seen before we leave on January 24 (a Thursday), so I should only miss a week of work. Let's hope I will have some PTO saved up by then! I've decided to make and sell Thanksgiving goodies again this year, to help offset the cost of 2 weeks worth of hotel stays. My coworkers have already stepped up to help with this, and I'm so thankful to work with such an amazing group of women! My only request from anyone reading this, is that we be added to your prayer list. I'm a firm believer that God has a plan for us, but a few extra prayers can't hurt. We are blessed to have made it this far, but it would truly be a dream come true if after all this, we are get to bring home our miracle baby!
On to our doctors appointment, since I know that's what y'all came here to find out about... Let me start by saying that our doctor and his team are UH-mazing! Dr. Blauer spent the good part of an hour talking with us, reviewing our histories, talking Husker football, and discussing his plan for us. Then we got to spend some time with his nurse, Tami, who was the craziest, most awesome nurse that we could ask for. Not only did she explain the whole process (several times), but she did so with the most comforting, calming, attitude, which is what I really needed, since I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Thankfully, we were able to complete all of our testing, which saved us from making an extra trip back to the SLC. For Brian, this meant doing that thing that guys do... you know. That thing. He also got to pee in a cup and have blood drawn. For me, I also got to pee in a cup and have blood drawn (5 frickin vials!!!). I also had to have a saline sonogram to check the inside of my uterus for scar tissue from my surgery 9 years ago. This test consisted of injecting saline into my uterus to expand it, so the doc could check for scarring. No scarring noted, but doc did find a fibroid at the opening. He doesn't think it should be a problem, but said that if it grew any more, I'd have to have a laser biopsy to have it removed. So basically, it's just something to keep an eye on. All in all, everything looked good, but holy crap, was it painful! I'll spare you the gory details, but lets just say that the rest of the day was not very pleasant for me. :/
So here's the plan. For the next 2 weeks, I take 10 mg of Provera, which is to initiate a period and thin my uterine lining. Then I have 2 weeks off, and then another cycle of Provera. After another 2 weeks off, I start Prometruim, which kind of does the same thing as the Provera, but directs the progesterone right into the uterine lining, and creates a sticky lining for the embryo to adhere to when it's transferred. On January 24, we head back to Salt Lake to begin the actual IVF process. On that day, I will have another blood draw and ultrasound, and learn how to mix my medicine and do the injections. I will take my first FSH injection that day, as well as a low dose HCG injection. I inject daily, and go to the dr's office every other day for blood draws and ultrasounds. I start my daily dr visits on Feb 1. On Feb 4 (+/- 2 days) I will have my egg retrieval, and Brian gets to do his thing. My eggs and his sperm will be joined in the lab, and they will be monitored for roughly 3 days, with the embryo transfer happening around Feb 7. Then the dreaded 2 week wait. I will take a pregnancy test on Feb 21 and Feb 28. If positive, my expected due date will be October 28, 2013.
I'm very pleased that we will only have to make one more trip to SLC. I expected to have a few trips, but because of the timing (and luck) of this first appointment, we are able to start cycling right away. My only concern is having to be in a hotel for 2 weeks. Thankfully, I should be able to get all my patients seen before we leave on January 24 (a Thursday), so I should only miss a week of work. Let's hope I will have some PTO saved up by then! I've decided to make and sell Thanksgiving goodies again this year, to help offset the cost of 2 weeks worth of hotel stays. My coworkers have already stepped up to help with this, and I'm so thankful to work with such an amazing group of women! My only request from anyone reading this, is that we be added to your prayer list. I'm a firm believer that God has a plan for us, but a few extra prayers can't hurt. We are blessed to have made it this far, but it would truly be a dream come true if after all this, we are get to bring home our miracle baby!
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Random ramblings
Ahh! It seems like all we do is wait! And wait, and wait, and wait! It's only been a handful of weeks since we found out that we will be making the trek to Salt Lake City in November, but it seems like an eternity! The majority of these few weeks has been spent religously checking flight websites, and having multiple daily heart attacks when the prices are displayed. When we first started travelling for my job, I joined a few airline reward programs in hopes for frequent trips back home. So now I get numerous emails about all kinds of travel deals, none of which apply to where we are needing to go, of course. $69 one way? Sure! But not to Salt Lake, or anywhere close to there! Ugh...
I finally got tired of agonizing over it, so I booked us a flight on American Airlines, and it ended up being cheaper to fly from our little airport here than out of Dallas. I've flown American before, and it's not bad. But go figure, I book a major flight and American starts having issues. Just remind me to carry on a socket wrench and a spare landing gear! As if I'm not gonna be on edge already! I'm not a big fan of flying anyway, but tack on a stressful doctor appointment and an airline that's falling apart, and I'm gonna be a wreck! Hopefully they serve margaritas onboard! I'm gonna need one! ... or twelve!
So besides stalking travel sites, what have I accomplished in the past month? Well, I decided to start a scrapbook of all the momentos I've accumulated since this journey started almost 2 years ago. All the fundraising fliers, newspaper clippings, words of encouragement; it's all in there. I thought it might be a nice gift for our future child someday, so he or she would know just how much we loved him/her before they were even conceived. And after all this, if the procedure isn't successful, well, we'll have proof that we tried. But enough about that.
I have also channeled my inner craftiness, and have been doing all kinds of projects, from cooking, to painting, to woodworking. Our apartment is feeling a whole lot less boring now that there's stuff on the walls! Pinterest is my friend! I've read a bit, but I'm still suffering from my '50 Shades of Grey' hangover. It's hard to start a new book when something like that is still on your mind! I'm thinking about diving into my 'What to Expect When You're Expecting' that I picked up months ago at a book sale. I'm unsure, though, when the appropriate time is to read it. It doesn't make sense to wait until I'm pregnant to start reading it, because then I'll already be experiencing what I should have been expecting. (wow that was a confusing sentence to write!) But yet, I don't know if it makes sense to read it before pregnancy, because if the IVF doesn't work, then I'll have the knowledge but no practical use for it. Anyone have any feedback?
I've also been throwing myself into my work, trying to bring in some extra income and to stay busy and keep my mind off the thought of how drastically our life may be changing. I'm so thankful to be blessed with the most awesome job I could ever imagine. My dream job, with the best coworkers that anyone could ever ask for. These girls are so awesome! They've always got my back with kind words and support, and throwing out a prayer or two. I couldn't ask for anything better! It is an honor to work with such an amazing bunch!
Well, I guess I've rambled enough for tonight. Occasionally I just get the urge to write. Not like I used to, but at least it's still there. At least I don't have to pay a classmate for illustrations on this project! Til next time, thanks for stopping by!
I finally got tired of agonizing over it, so I booked us a flight on American Airlines, and it ended up being cheaper to fly from our little airport here than out of Dallas. I've flown American before, and it's not bad. But go figure, I book a major flight and American starts having issues. Just remind me to carry on a socket wrench and a spare landing gear! As if I'm not gonna be on edge already! I'm not a big fan of flying anyway, but tack on a stressful doctor appointment and an airline that's falling apart, and I'm gonna be a wreck! Hopefully they serve margaritas onboard! I'm gonna need one! ... or twelve!
So besides stalking travel sites, what have I accomplished in the past month? Well, I decided to start a scrapbook of all the momentos I've accumulated since this journey started almost 2 years ago. All the fundraising fliers, newspaper clippings, words of encouragement; it's all in there. I thought it might be a nice gift for our future child someday, so he or she would know just how much we loved him/her before they were even conceived. And after all this, if the procedure isn't successful, well, we'll have proof that we tried. But enough about that.
I have also channeled my inner craftiness, and have been doing all kinds of projects, from cooking, to painting, to woodworking. Our apartment is feeling a whole lot less boring now that there's stuff on the walls! Pinterest is my friend! I've read a bit, but I'm still suffering from my '50 Shades of Grey' hangover. It's hard to start a new book when something like that is still on your mind! I'm thinking about diving into my 'What to Expect When You're Expecting' that I picked up months ago at a book sale. I'm unsure, though, when the appropriate time is to read it. It doesn't make sense to wait until I'm pregnant to start reading it, because then I'll already be experiencing what I should have been expecting. (wow that was a confusing sentence to write!) But yet, I don't know if it makes sense to read it before pregnancy, because if the IVF doesn't work, then I'll have the knowledge but no practical use for it. Anyone have any feedback?
I've also been throwing myself into my work, trying to bring in some extra income and to stay busy and keep my mind off the thought of how drastically our life may be changing. I'm so thankful to be blessed with the most awesome job I could ever imagine. My dream job, with the best coworkers that anyone could ever ask for. These girls are so awesome! They've always got my back with kind words and support, and throwing out a prayer or two. I couldn't ask for anything better! It is an honor to work with such an amazing bunch!
Well, I guess I've rambled enough for tonight. Occasionally I just get the urge to write. Not like I used to, but at least it's still there. At least I don't have to pay a classmate for illustrations on this project! Til next time, thanks for stopping by!
Sunday, September 2, 2012
A Match Made in Heaven... Or Utah!
Progress! Finally! We have finally been matched with a clinic to begin our IVF journey! We actually received the good news on Friday, and it has taken this long to sink in that this is really happening! Like most socially-neurotic people, the first thing I do every morning, before I even roll out of bed, is check my email and my facebook. This particular Friday was no different. I didn't have anything interesting come thru, so no reason to prolong the inevitable. Up and ready for work, I go! About 5 minutes before I should have been walking out the door, I get the email that we'd been waiting for. We have been matched with Dr. Keith Blauer, in Sandy, UT. UTAH! I must admit, I had to do a quick Geography check. 1147 miles from here. Hmmm. Well, looks like our credit card will be getting some action! Maybe after all of this, our SkyMiles bank will be full and we can take a stellar vacation!
Needless to say, I was late for work that morning.
Now, we have known for quite a while that IVF would be our only option for having our own childern. (Please note that I said "our own children." Adoption is also an option, but IVF is our first option.) But even while knowing about our reproductive challenge for years, I never made much effort to research what this process entails. Sure, I know it's about hormones, and injections, and petri dishes, but I never looked into the step-by-step specifcs of this procedure. Maybe it's because it never felt real until now. Even after being selected for the scholarship, it still felt like an unreachable goal. So, to the Internet, I go. I know a lot of you have been following our journey from the beginning, and perhaps some of you have done some research. I, alas, have not. (I don't think I've ever said "alas" before!)
So, with the help of About.com, here's the best explanation of what we'll be doing in the next few months. Click here for the link.
Any of you that actually know me are fully aware that I don't do needles, so all of these injections should be interesting. I don't know if I will be able to inject myself, so I'm hoping that between my dear husband, my nurse friends, and my coworkers, we can get the job done. Gah, I've got the heebie jeebies just thinking of those needles...
Well, that's where we stand for now. I have to wait til later in the week to call Dr. Blauer and make our first appointment. I don't expect to get in right away, which I guess is fine, because we'll need a little time to come up with the money for a flight. (I'm sure it would be cheaper to drive, but I can't take that much time off work right now.) I will definitely keep y'all posted! And if any of ya are feeling nosy, like I was, and wany more info on our doctor and his clinic, click here! Have a great weekend!
Needless to say, I was late for work that morning.
Now, we have known for quite a while that IVF would be our only option for having our own childern. (Please note that I said "our own children." Adoption is also an option, but IVF is our first option.) But even while knowing about our reproductive challenge for years, I never made much effort to research what this process entails. Sure, I know it's about hormones, and injections, and petri dishes, but I never looked into the step-by-step specifcs of this procedure. Maybe it's because it never felt real until now. Even after being selected for the scholarship, it still felt like an unreachable goal. So, to the Internet, I go. I know a lot of you have been following our journey from the beginning, and perhaps some of you have done some research. I, alas, have not. (I don't think I've ever said "alas" before!)
So, with the help of About.com, here's the best explanation of what we'll be doing in the next few months. Click here for the link.
Any of you that actually know me are fully aware that I don't do needles, so all of these injections should be interesting. I don't know if I will be able to inject myself, so I'm hoping that between my dear husband, my nurse friends, and my coworkers, we can get the job done. Gah, I've got the heebie jeebies just thinking of those needles...
Well, that's where we stand for now. I have to wait til later in the week to call Dr. Blauer and make our first appointment. I don't expect to get in right away, which I guess is fine, because we'll need a little time to come up with the money for a flight. (I'm sure it would be cheaper to drive, but I can't take that much time off work right now.) I will definitely keep y'all posted! And if any of ya are feeling nosy, like I was, and wany more info on our doctor and his clinic, click here! Have a great weekend!
Monday, June 18, 2012
what to expect when you're (not) expecting
Well, nothing has really changed since my last post. We are still waiting to be matched, and it seems like it's taking forever. FOR-EV-ER!!!! I try my best to not think about it, but it manages to enter my mind at least once every day. And it's taking everything I have to not call and see what's going on. It says in the paperwork that the matching process can take several months, but it feels like years! (I'm totally not complaining, by the way; just venting). I'm very appreciative that we are receiving this scholarship, and if they're gonna help us have a baby, I'm willing to wait. That is, if the waiting doesn't kill me! I'm not the most patient person, especially once you throw my biological clock into the mix. I just worry, because I'm obviously not getting any younger, and I don't wanna be one of those parents who can't go out and play with their kids for fear of breaking a hip. So what have I been doing to occupy my time? Working. (and working, and working, and working...). Scrapbooking. Reading. Sleeping. Nothing too exciting, but things that I won't have much time for when there's a baby to take care of.
One thing I try to avoid is visiting those silly infertility chat rooms. You go in expecting to share your experience and maybe meet a new friend or two, and end up even more depressed than you were to begin with. We are all in the same boat, in that we are reproductively challenged, but everyone deals with it differently. For me, yah it sucks, and it's devistating to know that we may never have children, but other's don't handle it quite as well. These chat rooms are filled with people who are playing the pity game, and crying about how they will never feel fulfilled unless they give birth. Trust me, I understand how much it hurts, but I don't allow myself to get so far down that I can't get out of bed in the morning. Seeing other people being depressed only makes me depressed, and that's not good for the body. Don't we all know that stress is harmful to the body, and more than likely hinders the reproductive process??? So I choose to not think about it. Maybe I'm not dealing with it... I don't know. I just try to put it in God's hands, and let it be. Yah, I will be sad if we can't have a child of our own, but I will be just as happy adopting a child in need. And if that doesn't work, then four-legged kids, it is! Maybe we should just skip all the baby drama and get another dog. At least dogs don't talk back... ;)
One thing I try to avoid is visiting those silly infertility chat rooms. You go in expecting to share your experience and maybe meet a new friend or two, and end up even more depressed than you were to begin with. We are all in the same boat, in that we are reproductively challenged, but everyone deals with it differently. For me, yah it sucks, and it's devistating to know that we may never have children, but other's don't handle it quite as well. These chat rooms are filled with people who are playing the pity game, and crying about how they will never feel fulfilled unless they give birth. Trust me, I understand how much it hurts, but I don't allow myself to get so far down that I can't get out of bed in the morning. Seeing other people being depressed only makes me depressed, and that's not good for the body. Don't we all know that stress is harmful to the body, and more than likely hinders the reproductive process??? So I choose to not think about it. Maybe I'm not dealing with it... I don't know. I just try to put it in God's hands, and let it be. Yah, I will be sad if we can't have a child of our own, but I will be just as happy adopting a child in need. And if that doesn't work, then four-legged kids, it is! Maybe we should just skip all the baby drama and get another dog. At least dogs don't talk back... ;)
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
(im)patiently waiting...
It's been a long road thus far, and I wonder if we will ever reach the end.. I often wonder where this road is leading us. It seems like everyone around me is (or already has been) on the road to starting a family, and we're getting left in the dust.
But we're still driving.
I have always subconsciously known that having children was going to be difficult for me. Even as a young teenager, I knew. My first period almost killed me, and subsequent ones, although infrequent, felt like my insides were being ripped out. I did my research, and wondered if I might have PCOS (poly cystic ovary syndrome); my symptoms were exact matches to the literature. I sometimes laugh when I think back. If it was that obvious to an uneducated teenager, why were the doctors not figuring it out?
Fast forward about 15 years.
It finally occurs to my vaginacologist that I'm of childbearing age and not having a period. She suggests an HSG test to try to find a reason. For those of you fertile myrtles who have never had to endure an HSG test, here's the scoop. You lay on an exam table, naked and spread eagle, and the doctor injects dye into your who-ha, uterus, tubes, etc. to see if there's a blockage. It hurts like a sonofabitch. To put it mildly. Good news: no blockage. Bad news: septate uterus. Meaning: my uterus was v-shaped rather than egg shaped. Solution: surgery. (yay). The surgery itself isn't too bad surprisingly, since they go up thru my who-ha, rather than slice my tummy open. They basically just cut and pasted my uterus into the right shape. And then they insert a balloon catheter to keep the surgical sites from adhering to each other. Easy peasy, right? Wrong. My uterus didn't scar to itself. Instead, it scarred to the catheter, and no one knew it until the doctor went to pull the cath out 2 weeks later and it didn't move. His exact words? "I do believe it's stuck. Here's some tylenol." And he yanks it out. Literally. The man almost fell off his stool. That was the last of my infertility exploration for a while.
Fast forward another few years.
Married and still baby-less, my husband and I seek out another doctor. This time we land a good one (thank God)! She suggests an ultrasound, which revealed the string of black pearls inside my ovaries. Hello PCOS! Another test is suggested, to check the status of my uterus. Surprisingly, there is no scar tissue, and doc says I have a "beautiful cavern." Ha! That's funny!
Further tests reveal that my husband's boys don't swim well. So basically, we're reproductively doomed. Doc says that the only way we will ever have biologic children is by IVF (in virto fertilization), No worries, it's only $15,000. And by the way, insurance doesn't cover it. Gee, thanks Doc.
Fast forward another year.
I discover that there are 14 states which require mandatory infertility insurance coverage, so I get online and start looking for jobs in those states. Amongst my web surfing, I discover a group called INCIID, InterNational Council for Infertility Information Dissemination. This group claims to offer a scholarship for an IVF cycle. I bookmark it, and move on. Dear hubby doesn't sound too interested. Skeptical may be a better word. The word 'scam' was brought up. But nothing stands between a woman and her baby. I printed off the mountain of paperwork, and start making calls to get all the required documents in line. It takes me 5 months to get everything in order, notorized, and shipped off to the magic baby fairies.
They said it could take months to be selected or rejected. It took less than a month for us to receive word that we had been selected for the scholarship. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was sitting in the chair at the dentist office, waiting for a root canal, when I decided to check my messages one last time. There was our award letter! I don't remember a thing about the root canal.
The next step is fundraising. Since INCIID is a non-profit agency, scholarship recipients must raise $3500 by promoting INCIID, and raising awareness for infertility. It took us just over 6 months to complete this task. I am now the queen of fundraising. Unofficially, of course. You name it, we sold it. From ribbons, to baked goods, to tote bags and cookware, We ran our story in the local paper, and even got some donations from people we had never met. The outpouring of support was overwhelming.
This brings me to present time. The waiting game. And waiting, and waiting, and waiting. It's been 4 months since we sent in the last of our fundraising money, and we are waiting to be matched with a clinic to begin our IVF procedure. They say it can take months to be matched with a clinic, so I am trying to be patient. Patience is not my strong suit. I'm not sure that it's anyone's strong suit, really, but it's definitely not mine. It's probably a good thing that we are in limbo tho, because our health insurance hasn't kicked in yet. Hubby's job is giving him the run around, or so it seems like to me. Or maybe it's just my impatience again. Or maybe it's the fact that everyone around me is having babies! There's something in the water around here. But we get our water shipped in, so I guess that explains that. But seriously, why is it that when you want something so bad, so bad that it hurts, everyone has it but you? I'm not at all saying that I'm not excited for my friends and family who are fertile myrtles. I really am! And I'm jealous! But it's all good. I know that in the end, when our time finally comes, we will love and appreciate our child(ren) more than anyone on the earth. And at that time, we will be truly blessed...
But we're still driving.
I have always subconsciously known that having children was going to be difficult for me. Even as a young teenager, I knew. My first period almost killed me, and subsequent ones, although infrequent, felt like my insides were being ripped out. I did my research, and wondered if I might have PCOS (poly cystic ovary syndrome); my symptoms were exact matches to the literature. I sometimes laugh when I think back. If it was that obvious to an uneducated teenager, why were the doctors not figuring it out?
Fast forward about 15 years.
It finally occurs to my vaginacologist that I'm of childbearing age and not having a period. She suggests an HSG test to try to find a reason. For those of you fertile myrtles who have never had to endure an HSG test, here's the scoop. You lay on an exam table, naked and spread eagle, and the doctor injects dye into your who-ha, uterus, tubes, etc. to see if there's a blockage. It hurts like a sonofabitch. To put it mildly. Good news: no blockage. Bad news: septate uterus. Meaning: my uterus was v-shaped rather than egg shaped. Solution: surgery. (yay). The surgery itself isn't too bad surprisingly, since they go up thru my who-ha, rather than slice my tummy open. They basically just cut and pasted my uterus into the right shape. And then they insert a balloon catheter to keep the surgical sites from adhering to each other. Easy peasy, right? Wrong. My uterus didn't scar to itself. Instead, it scarred to the catheter, and no one knew it until the doctor went to pull the cath out 2 weeks later and it didn't move. His exact words? "I do believe it's stuck. Here's some tylenol." And he yanks it out. Literally. The man almost fell off his stool. That was the last of my infertility exploration for a while.
Fast forward another few years.
Married and still baby-less, my husband and I seek out another doctor. This time we land a good one (thank God)! She suggests an ultrasound, which revealed the string of black pearls inside my ovaries. Hello PCOS! Another test is suggested, to check the status of my uterus. Surprisingly, there is no scar tissue, and doc says I have a "beautiful cavern." Ha! That's funny!
Further tests reveal that my husband's boys don't swim well. So basically, we're reproductively doomed. Doc says that the only way we will ever have biologic children is by IVF (in virto fertilization), No worries, it's only $15,000. And by the way, insurance doesn't cover it. Gee, thanks Doc.
Fast forward another year.
I discover that there are 14 states which require mandatory infertility insurance coverage, so I get online and start looking for jobs in those states. Amongst my web surfing, I discover a group called INCIID, InterNational Council for Infertility Information Dissemination. This group claims to offer a scholarship for an IVF cycle. I bookmark it, and move on. Dear hubby doesn't sound too interested. Skeptical may be a better word. The word 'scam' was brought up. But nothing stands between a woman and her baby. I printed off the mountain of paperwork, and start making calls to get all the required documents in line. It takes me 5 months to get everything in order, notorized, and shipped off to the magic baby fairies.
They said it could take months to be selected or rejected. It took less than a month for us to receive word that we had been selected for the scholarship. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was sitting in the chair at the dentist office, waiting for a root canal, when I decided to check my messages one last time. There was our award letter! I don't remember a thing about the root canal.
The next step is fundraising. Since INCIID is a non-profit agency, scholarship recipients must raise $3500 by promoting INCIID, and raising awareness for infertility. It took us just over 6 months to complete this task. I am now the queen of fundraising. Unofficially, of course. You name it, we sold it. From ribbons, to baked goods, to tote bags and cookware, We ran our story in the local paper, and even got some donations from people we had never met. The outpouring of support was overwhelming.
This brings me to present time. The waiting game. And waiting, and waiting, and waiting. It's been 4 months since we sent in the last of our fundraising money, and we are waiting to be matched with a clinic to begin our IVF procedure. They say it can take months to be matched with a clinic, so I am trying to be patient. Patience is not my strong suit. I'm not sure that it's anyone's strong suit, really, but it's definitely not mine. It's probably a good thing that we are in limbo tho, because our health insurance hasn't kicked in yet. Hubby's job is giving him the run around, or so it seems like to me. Or maybe it's just my impatience again. Or maybe it's the fact that everyone around me is having babies! There's something in the water around here. But we get our water shipped in, so I guess that explains that. But seriously, why is it that when you want something so bad, so bad that it hurts, everyone has it but you? I'm not at all saying that I'm not excited for my friends and family who are fertile myrtles. I really am! And I'm jealous! But it's all good. I know that in the end, when our time finally comes, we will love and appreciate our child(ren) more than anyone on the earth. And at that time, we will be truly blessed...
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